You know what they call the fellow who finishes last in his medical school graduating class? They call him ‘Doctor.’

– Abe Lemons

You may not be able to read a doctor’s handwriting and prescription, but you’ll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

– Earl Wilson

I don’t go to the doctor except when I’m very ill, and when I go to India, I drink a drop of local water.

– Nassim Nicholas Taleb

As a medical doctor, it is my duty to evaluate the situation with as much data as I can gather and as much expertise as I have and as much experience as I have to determine whether or not the wish of the patient is medically justified.

– Jack Kevorkian

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He’d just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

– Don Rickles

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

– Henny Youngman

It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.

– Jesus Christ

I will say that walking down the street, getting on the subway, taking the elevator, if there’s one or two people and they say, ‘Great job, Mayor,’ that is a real turn-on. I mean, anybody that wouldn’t find that satisfying, rewarding, exciting, thrilling – I think they should see the doctor.

– Michael Bloomberg